Obviously not much news over the last couple of weeks of lockdown but just a deeper appreciation of the small things and a rising hope that restrictions will be eased because the infection numbers are decreasing as hoped.
I have been finding the art group quite distracting because they are communicating so frequently on WhatsApp that I had to turn off the notifications sound. It was pinging constantly. Having said that, I feel like our Zoom meetings and conversations have brought us all closer. At the art class we draw and have very limited time to talk to each other, so this has lowered barriers and created more connection on a personal level. It is a pleasant development.
I have been continuing my virtual travels across America on Route 66. This time much slower as I can barely get more than 10 kilometres in a day as my part of the team. Gary has not been feeling so well and therefore not riding many distances, while Anthea has been on holiday! Envy on my part of course. She lives in Adelaide and she and her husband Lawry took a trip into the outback to see South Lake Eyre. It is one of the largest salt pans in Australia when dry, but full of bird life after floods. It is such a remote area and I would just love to be out in the desert instead of Melbourne. Anyway she is back in Adelaide and starting to clock up some good kilometres again. We are About 200 kms behind the pace. I did remind her it is only virtual and we can change the days needed to complete but we are a competitive bunch!
Last year I was to have a remote outback camping adventure in Central Australia, but with the wet winter it was postponed due to roads being closed. I was afraid I might get stranded if we went and I would miss my South America departure. Yes, this time last year I was climbing Machu Picchu! It seems like a dream now of course. What an amazing trip that was. I would love to return to Sth. America. So many places so little time!
My other virtual trip has continued on from Africa and now I am walking the Ruta de la Laine, the Wool Route, from Alicante to Burgos in Spain. I was supposed to be walking this route with some English friends in reality but CoVid put a stop to that. With Anna’s prompting I have continued to have a virtual holiday. It has been challenging making up the daily adventures. I have researched all the towns and countryside we would have walked through and it has so much history I feel like I am actually on the trip! I am inspired to actually do this trip soon because the area is full of castles and Moorish history. However it is a month of walking in reality so I just don’t think I have the energy to keep up an imaginary trip for that long. Africa was easier because Anna was contributing her experiences but she is now at home. Walking is such a calming exercise. Anna keeps remarking on the energy needed to be in different towns every day. My response to that is that because you are walking, slow travel as such, you have less possessions and fewer decisions to make so it is actually relaxing. Yes 20 odd kilometres is a fair hike every day, but there is no hurry involved, and as a consequence the mind clears and you become very centred and calm and fit. It is that feeling that really keeps me going when I do these long distance walking trips. I loved my organised tours last year but they didn’t engender those sorts of feelings. I love the informal meetings that arise on walking trips. People seem more open to engaging with you and you have the time to engage with them.
I have focused on the spring gardens on my walks over the same terrain in last couple of weeks. I have read more and played scrabble and talked on the phone and Zoom. I have become more content in my small world despite my desire to see broader horizons. The weather hasn’t been as good as earlier so being inside isn’t quite so hard. I have cooked several new dishes which is a good thing. My repertoire was getting pretty old and boring.
Well the lifting of curfew as of tomorrow but not an extension of our 5 kms restrictions was disappointing. I can see Ziggy now though as a carer. That is good news. It seems very conservative but I don’t want to go backwards like the UK and Europe where CoVid is rising dramatically as well as hospitalisations. Another three weeks of restraint. We can do it and keep control of the Virus over summer.
It is just another Camino! Square your shoulders , take a breath and keep moving forward.
The announcement by the Premier of an extension to our lockdown has released a barrage of complaints. I am not happy either but I was not surprised. The numbers have not come down nearly low enough to just open freely. Certainly some sectors are more affected than others but isolating health care workers and aged care homes in some sort of bubble means isolating all the people who work there and either their families as well or isolating them from their families. Not really practical when you really look at it properly.
I think, tough as it is for so many businesses, if we stick with it and hold the line we will get the numbers down to manageable control. It has always seemed that Victoria’s track and trace system didn’t seem to be as good but also I have been told many of the tests have to go interstate, which seems bizarre. The large companies who process the test are in Sydney. Mind you that is also how Australia Post is dealing with our parcels too. They are being sorted in NSW or Qld because of the reduced staffing in Victoria. Despite the difficulty I still think it is the best way. Some nuanced decisions for country areas where they are CoVid free seems fair, but last time that happened people from Melbourne took the virus into the country towns because they wanted to go somewhere with less restrictions. So selfish. Everyone wants to go to the beach or for hike or a restaurant but they have been doing that in England, France and Spain and their infections, and hospitalisations are rising again in the thousands.
In the scheme of our lives it is not that long. It would be a hell of a lot easier if people, the media and politicians stopped banging on and making doomsday predictions every day. Yes the economy is a disaster; businesses, small in particular, are teetering on collapse, mental health is being strained, but whinging and whining and carping without any positive or constructive alternatives is not helpful. It is depressing not uplifting. It scorches the flower of hope.
The governments have had plenty of time by now to come up with some new ways of helping businesses. What about helping small businesses to go online? Even before the pandemic, the economy was tanking. Retail was in trouble. jobs were scarce, especially for the young. What jobs there were, were often contract or only casual. That is the flexible economy that has no safe guards for workers or as it turns out, for business too. Many big companies have still made such huge profits they are daring to pay bonuses to executives. So they get huge payouts and the cleaners, hospital workers, care workers, the delivery drivers, the food producers and manufacturers who have kept us fed and safe and the basics going, have no sick leave and mostly casual or pseudo contract work.
If you want to protest the situation we are in then take a good look at the society we have created. We need balance back. Respect for ALL workers. Decent conditions and more permanent jobs or permanent part-time jobs. The scurrilous Commonwealth employment figures that count a person employed when they only have a couple of hours work a week is not honest or honourable.
The world is in a mess. Climate, working conditions, violence in the home, racism, conflict with China, concern about America, the list goes on and it can be overwhelming. Humans have been here before though and despite everything, we adapted, innovated and changed to survive. If we think of others not just ourselves, offer respect instead of demanding to be respected, we thrive. Freedom has its price like every thing. To be bold and change the way our institutions function would be a good start to improving things I think.
I didn’t mean to go on a rant but the negativity of people has weighed on me this week. However I have added novelty to my life by embarking on a new type of fitness program called BodyArt. It is tough but wholistic and a great workout. It is a bit of a mash up of Pilates, Tai chi, dance, Yin and Yang principles. I have also been active in the Art group too and completed my Modigliani style portrait. I am getting fond of the pastels again. The others in the group have created some lovely images.
I also retrieved Alfie from his holiday with Nick and was suitably impressed by his enthusiasm at seeing me. In the end he basically jumped into my arms. He knows where the treats come from!
Anna and I have finished our virtual holiday in Africa but continue our imaginary conversation. She is in quarantine in Melbourne and I am about to walk through CoVid Spain. It was interesting to see what measures the Spanish are doing to contain their new wave. They have a curfew on bars from 1 am in the morning and no one can enter after 12 midnight. Bear in mind that most restaurants and bars don’t open till 9 pm at the earliest. Numbers are restricted to 10. A bit of a concern for walking is that the regions have their own restrictions and can refuse to allow people to continue or move from town to town if they think it is too risky. So we are not the only country with restrictions.
I have signed up for a course on Surrealism through the National Gallery of Victoria. It is an art movement I have not really understood so I think this will be enlightening. There is work to be done too so it should be a bit of a challenge.
I have run two book club sessions which involved wide ranging discussions and even some discussion about the books we had read!
After completing the training for the Chief supervisor of the GAT (which was quite dull, but impressive with the lengths that are taken to ensure the security of the papers), I had to receive and check the material yesterday. I spent a couple of hours with the mind draining task of sticking labels on place cards and student work books! Those place names got a little less square on the card as the task wore on!
During the last two weeks a couple of friends have had health crisis and caused much concern. That really puts a perspective on everything, as Nick’s close call did earlier. I am relieved to know they are both on the mend. Finding themselves in hospital at the same time but in different places was unexpected.
I started playing Scrabble against the IPad as another distraction and it brings back memories of my Mum. In the last few months of her life when I was with her we played daily games until she could no longer sustain her concentration. She was a great player and we had endless tussles with much joking and laughter. it is an activity that gives me a good feeling.
We have started to get warm days and some beautiful sunsets. My obsession with the skyline continues.
So life continues. The sun rises, the sun sets and in between is a patchwork of activities and conversations and Alfie wanting my biscuits! Life isn’t that bad.
Here I am finally getting back to the blog. Who would have thought I would be so busy? It has been a little like the beginning of the first lockdown with people connecting more often by text, phone, zoom and email. Add the social media of Facebook and Instagram and the day can disappear and it is time to walk the dog!
I have been sticking with the Zoom gym and Pilates and I am still plugging away at French and Spanish online. Not a lot of variety I have to admit so eventually I hit the wall. I woke up one morning and just thought I may as well stay in bed. It was a grey day and I was totally uninspired. Even the dog had crawled back under the sheets and was snoring! However I thought better of it and forced myself out of bed and into my gym gear. I struggled with the session but worked up a good sweat and did feel better for the effort.
It reminded me of the day on the Camino when you wake up and think,’ What the hell am I doing? I am sick of that blessed backpack! ‘ Then you set off and walk and take it easier, with an extra coffee stop perhaps and a shorter day and you feel fine and you know you don’t want to quit but you were just tired. The next day you set off without a second thought, strong in your commitment again. Talking of Caminos I received the badge from my virtual Camino in the mail. It is so heavy and quite impressive.
I think the high number of infections make you feel a bit frustrated and it seems that we are never going to get it under control again. The news is full of CoVid, Europe is having renewed surges, while America just keeps having more and more. Our numbers are beginning to decline but they are going down so slowly. We can’t just keep ourselves and life locked down forever. I think that feeling is CoVid fatigue and it seems like a lot of people are feeling very tired. However, like the Camino, we just have to pick ourselves up and keep on the path.
We had a bit of a wake up when the building manager informed us that a resident in my building had tested positive and that they were self isolating. He told us the lobby and lifts etc had been disinfected and certainly the place gleams! Still it was a reminder to stay vigilant and I am back to pressing buttons with elbows etc. Wearing a mask has become second nature now. It has its pluses. During the particularly cold snap we have experienced lately I haven’t had a cold nose or chin or cold air induced asthma!
I have been doing much more reading and have actually returned to my art practice. I completed a male nude from the Hawthorn Artist Society which was acceptable. I painted a deciduous tree festooned with plastic bags that I saw on the banks of the Gardiner Creek. It struck me as an ironic comment on the world. Still life? Acrylic on Canvas. And last night I participated in a life drawing class run by the National Portrait Gallery which was via Zoom( of course!) but subscribed to by about 800 people from all over Australia and some from overseas. It was a challenge. Usually I go once a week to a life drawing class at the Hawthorn Artist Society. In those sessions the model is much closer and even though we do quick sketches to start this seemed quicker. It required a lot of concentration and I was actually really tired afterwards.
I have been taking photos on my walks and on one day I captured a Cockatoo and a magpie fighting for the top of the tree. I was thrilled with my action shot. In fact I have been quite motivated to capture the different light during the day or action at the local park and my endlessly changing view of the city skyline.
My friend Anna and I were supposed to be in Africa from the 14 th of August. We are deeply disappointed but we are having a virtual trip anyway. Anna started it by sending me a text saying , ‘ I have ordered the driver to take us to the airport, meet downstairs at 6. Don’t forget your passport! ‘
I responded, ‘Great! I am just throwing the last few things into my backpack. See you downstairs.”
The next day she sent another text,’ I am so sick of this plane flight. I can’t wait to get out, anywhere!’
I responded, ‘You obviously didn’t take advantage of the free champagne, I am having a party in my row!’
And so it has gone for over a week now. We have been sending texts everyday following our itinerary. I have added photos from the internet which I pretend are my photos of where we have been or what we have seen. We have even invented other people on the tour. There is an obnoxious American called Donald, a young guy with a broken heart, a Woman with issues, ( all Anna’s creations). I have invented a Spanish couple who are good fun and a witty Glaswegian called Cam, who I can barely understand. I still grabbed him for our half day canoe ride down the Orange River. We are now in the Namibian desert!
We have about 11 days to go! It has been interesting doing the research for the conversation and Anna is very imaginative. I have to work hard to keep up.
It was my sons’ birthday on the 17th and because we are in lockdown there was no coming together. I baked a cake anyway and we had a Zoom catchup (of course!) where we sang happy birthday and I blew out the candle. I then cut a few slices to keep and decided to take the rest to Nick who lives fairly close to me (only a fraction out of my 5kilometre radius). Because he shares with two others I thought they could deal with a huge cake better than me. The cake was an Italain torte, layered with strawberries and custard. I halved the recipe but still it was four layers and quite large.
Nick was going to take Alfie too but he had developed an infection at the site where he had been injected with dye for the angiograph and was not able to walk so well. He visited the doctor later in the week and received antibiotics so was soon on the mend. This week Alfie has gone for a holiday. My place seems so quiet without him, though it is much easier to type without him draped over my lap!
Ziggy now has his own email/iCloud account and has started to FaceTime me. He is way more engaged than if I have asked him to talk to me when I have rung Jonathan. It has been absolutely delightful having these informal spontaneous chats. I videoed a story and sent it to him at his suggestion. I would rather read a story live but we will try all methods to see which we like best.
I spent an afternoon checking my computer’s compatibility for the program Webex. I need it in order to do some training for my newly acquired position of Chief Supervisor of the General Assessment Test for VCE students at Bialik, a high school nearby. The date for the GAT has been shifted so many times they had run out of available supervisors, so I have been promoted. The sad thing was I actually discovered my computer is too old and that I probably need to consider updating. The good news is that I can do the training on my iPad just as well after all. Even more tragic, I actually enjoyed doing all the exploration off operating systems and update issues. Who would have thought?! Usually that sort of stuff is life sucking for me, but I am so desperate for mental stimulation it was interesting. That is what a CoVid lock down does to you!
When the stage four lockdown was announced I felt genuine alarm and shock. Then I felt anger, anger towards the people who misbehaved in quarantine, anger towards the State Government that quite obviously stuffed up there, but then I calmed down. Human behaviour is so stupid sometimes, so short sighted and filled with the sense of being the exception. Those people who were fraternising in the hotels probably didn’t think they were sick so it all seemed a bit of overkill! The Government, both State and Federal, are dealing with completely new circumstances imperfectly at times. Hindsight is a great thing.
What we have learned from this virus is the fact that it is not predictable like the flu. You feel crappy with the flu quite quickly and we know about flu. The CoVid 19 is a sneaky virus. You don’t feel sick but you are spreading the virus every time you breathe. You might be lucky and get no symptoms, but your friend gets sick like the flu and his friend gets really sick and needs a hospital. The only sure thing is that the older you are the more vulnerable you are. Yet this past week two people in their early thirties died. This is Russian roulette virus with our health. As time passes we learn more and more about the ongoing impact of this virus. There is mounting evidence of damage to hearts, lungs and kidneys, to relapses or extended recovery times. Like all illnesses in the past like TB, Measles, Polio the knowledge grew as the disease spread and eventually management regimes became well known and evidence based. Vaccines were developed, extent of immunity recognised in survivors. We are not there yet and may never be but until it becomes a known and understood disease we need to treat it with respect and practice prevention until that time happens.
This crisis shows up the weak spots in government policy, in the social contract we all have, and in ourselves. Those anti-maskers or anti-curfew and anti-restrictions individuals are putting themselves above every other person in our society. It is not their right to infect others because they think a mask infringes their liberty or go about as they choose, spreading a silent killer. If they don’t want to be part of the only solution we have at the moment, then they need to remove themselves from society to a place where they don’t pose a danger to anyone else. With rights come responsibilities too! They aren’t going to knock back medical care if they need it I am sure.
What is of greater concern is the rise in emergency admissions for mental health issues. This is a disturbing reflection on our society. Are we less resilient than other generations or more willing to admit our mental fragility? There is an enormous emphasis and finally government support, for mental health at this time. Even my distant friends and family ( those in other states) are ringing to check on my mental health. I am touched and appreciative of that concern as I am alone with only my dog Alfie. Even Alf seems to be a bit depressed. He certainly isn’t as playful as he was and sleeps more. He is getting older though at twelve, but he is still lively on our walks and likes to mix it with the dogs.
Anyway as the week evolved life really didn’t change that much except for shorter walks. Limited to 1 hour and a 5 kilometre radius I have finally succumbed to podcasts while I walk and I have listened to some amazing discussions and interviews. I have been a walker who prefers to be in the present, aware of the bird song, fragrant flowers, sun shining through the trees but the same streets are wearing thin so the podcasts have begun. One particularly fascinating one was the ABC Conversations with Richard Fidler https://www.abccommercial.com/contentsales/program/conversations-podcast about the origins of fairytales.
I was surprised to learn that Cinderella originated in China and the story was even more grim. Cinderella used to talk to a golden fish that she believed was the spirit of her mother. Her stepmother was so mean that she killed the fish and fed it to Cinderella who was horrified when she realised the truth. An old man told Cinderella that the bones of the fish were magic and it was by wishing on the bones that she went to the ball in golden slippers and met the prince. When the prince came with the slipper, the step sisters cut off their toes and their heels to fit into the shoes, but the doves called out ‘ter wit ter woo there is blood in the shoe!’ The small foot fetish of China is related to this story. As the story came to Europe it was modified to fit each culture reflecting what was precious and these modifications have ensured the survival of the fairytales. What has also changed is the goryness or horror of the fairytales. As societies have improved, human lives have become healthier, less fraught and more secure, so to fairytales have become less gruesome. The symbolism of the characters and actions has taken on different meanings through time. Highly recommended listening!
I decided to get back to the Zoom gym in earnest now that Nick was out of danger. That was a bit painful! You lose condition so quickly. I had sore arm pits from push ups and stiff buttocks from lunges etc. I also decided I needed a bit more of a lift and found a free Latin dance class online. Nothing like a bit of Cha Cha and Salsa to bring a smile to your face. I am not as lithe as I used to be and the feet don’t move so fast but I couldn’t help but smile at my efforts. Great medicine.
I then became energised to do my tax return and trade in my old IPad. Things I had been putting off for ages. I had managed to sell two bolts of fabric to a friend just before lock down so I was inspired to assess the rest of the fabric that Jonathan had been going to dump when he was shifting house because he didn’t have enough time to deal with them. I rescued the rolls because it seemed such a waste but had not got around to doing anything with them either. They are an ongoing project but I did find some lovely merino and tshirt fabric which I intend to use myself.
I sent off to Lincraft for some beginner patterns which have arrived. Now I will reacquaint myself with the sewing machine. If nothing else in this period of CoVid I have brushed up on many old skills, some more successfully than others I have to admit. I recalled how accomplished our mothers were with sewing , knitting, cooking, preserving, nursing, child care, craft activities, gardening and everything else they did both in and out of the house. I doubt I will give up travelling and hiking for those domestic pursuits whenever we are able to resume them but I appreciate the sense of satisfaction they give.
My brother in law, Gary, cousin Anthea and I embarked on a new virtual mission. This time we are crossing the US on Route 66. They are cycling but I am walking and using the conversion chart to convert activities like the Zoom circuit training, vigorous house work and Pilates to kilometres as my team contribution. It is a motivator for sure. My housework earned me 5kms. No wonder I was tired!
It has been a bit hard walking because the weather has been freezing with snow in unexpected places in the state. Wilson’s Prom is a fabulous beach and hiking destination but I have never seen snow there. However with the skies so grey it looked as if it was going to snow in Melbourne, it was not a surprise that snow fell there.
As it was the first week of the month I ran the two book club meetings on Zoom and it was great to see everybody and discuss our books. I had only read one The Shepherd’s Life: a tale of the Lakes District by James Rebanks. It was particularly interesting to me for two reasons. The first was that I had walked through the area when I walked the Coast to Coast in 2018 and the author’s love and commitment to this way of life and country. He expressed feelings similar the those expressed by Australian First People about their connection to country. I learned a lot about sheep farming and the accumulation of lived knowledge over time. Fascinating and a great favourite for all. Book club is an innocuous way of learning about fellow members. Several revealed that they had farm connections or actually farmed at some time of their lives. This information was a surprise as there had been no earlier prompts for revealing this before.
With Zoom in mind my other friends decided to have a Zoom Dinner on Friday night. Again it was wonderful to see everyone and discuss our various dinners and families. While my daughter in law will be glad to see the end of zoom meetings it certainly is a life saver for those of us living alone. I followed up with a FaceTime with Ziggy my grandchild. He was playing monopoly with his parents. He was able to show me his coriander plant that he and I had planted from seed together. He is so proud of himself and I am relieved the plant hasn’t died! It is important to nourish this interest in nature especially in this weird time.
As a carer I was able to take Nick to the Physiotherapist for his rehab session. I am ever grateful that he is making such a good recovery. I am thankful his drama has happened in CoVid because he isn’t missing out on anything and the quieter pace of life has allowed recovery and his creativity to flourish. In contrast my art is like a ship wallowing at the jetty. I keep prioritising craft over art. My apartment doesn’t quite have the space for large painting efforts and I have let my drawing lapse too. I am such a butterfly!
My last achievement was a batch of Oat date biscuits. I will have to freeze some because I just can’t eat 40 before they get stale without getting fat!
The first week of the extreme lockdown started with distress and at the end was showing some progress. I am chugging along like the little red train who kept saying he could. Just keeping going and looking for the small pleasures, being grateful for what IS good in my life and buying cheap Aldi wine till the tax return comes in!
What a hellish time we have been through. The last post we were hugging Nick before his operation. He went into theatre on the 23rd at 12.30 pm and a text came from the hospital at 5.30 pm to say he was in recovery. That was it! I expected a call from a doctor but nothing. I decided not to ring as my previous experiences have all been very non-committal while the patient is in recovery. The usual, ‘Patient still sleeping, surgery went well , the Doctor will be in touch,’ so I left it till the next morning.
I rang early but got an answering machine. I rang again about 30 mins after and got a nurse who was able to tell me Nick was awake and talking and fine and the Doctor was trying to ring me. Well I had been carrying my phone, afraid to put it down in case I missed a call, so I knew no one had tried to call. But she led me to believe they were going to ring me so I waited patiently but increasingly getting annoyed. A text from Nick which just said he was in a lot of pain and couldn’t take texts, was strangely reassuring, though made me more anxious and annoyed not to have some feedback from the doctors. I waited till later and finally rang again and got another nurse who sounded surprised that no one had rung. The actual surgeon was in another surgery and when I said it was now 24 hrs without any feedback the nurse promptly called the neurology doctors. Dr. Louis rang me back in half an hour and finally I received the feedback I needed. I expressed my displeasure and he was contrite that I had not been notified. Even though I was next of kin, because Nick was of sound mind and able to make decisions for himself, I was irrelevant. The main thing is that he has had a successful surgery.
I am not complaining about his care. I just would have liked a more prompt response to put his family at ease. I had been fielding queries from concerned family for days and while it made me feel supported it was also a strain trying to keep all my family and friends informed. Trying to keep my own anxieties under control was exhausting. Like all mothers our children are so precious, and despite them being adults now you still fear for them.
Anyway he had the whole AVM removed and a further Angiogram the day after the surgery confirmed that all was gone. He has had a piece of his skull removed and replaced with screws which he said he saw on the angiogram. His scar is quite impressive and only dressed by a thin strip of bandage. Nick has got a sore head but otherwise physically he is making a good recovery. His foot, hand and shoulder are all more responsive and he has exercises to follow for rehab. By Saturday he was allowed to go home! I was quite shocked but Nick was thrilled. He had hit the wall over hospital food and his new room mate was very unpleasant and invasive. Nick was very relieved when he woke up and felt like himself. He had been afraid his personality might change.
I had had a similar fear though I had not voiced it to anybody. I had also been concerned about the impact on his physical abilities, but the Surgeon was skilled and the outcome was all we hoped. A good recovery. He still has another surgery to face in about six weeks to remove the other AVM at the back of his head. At least we are prepared this time.
When I returned him to his home, Georgia and Josh his flat mates, had put up a welcome home sign in his room. His first stop was the balcony to soak up the sun in his ‘lizard’ chair. He was so relieved to be outside. He kept comparing it to being in prison for a long time and how weird it seemed to be in the world again.
During this trying time we have had the compulsory masks enacted, restricted movements again and so the park has become even more important as my unwind space with Alfie. Here I can socialise at a distance and enjoy the fun of happy dogs. Half the dogs are CoVid purchases, that is they are all about 5 months old! All shapes and sizes of joyful puppies and all sorts of mixes of oodles. Though a new addition was Taco the chihuahua, a spunky little guy who retreated to his owners legs for shelter when the bigger dogs got too boisterous.
Amongst all the flurry of Nick’s drama I did take a break at the Auburn Lawn Bowls Club. Katrina had encouraged me to join before the lockdown and so I have only played a few practice bowls. It was a welcome change of pace, though I did play really badly because my attention was so scattered. Towards the end of play it started to rain and a rainbow appeared. I took it as a good sign.
Walking has been my major activity this last couple of weeks. I couldn’t concentrate on any gym or felt too tired from stress and sleepless nights to face the early Zoom sessions, yet I have managed to clock up quite a few kilometres and today Gary, my brother-in-law and I have finally finished our Virtual Camino.
A great outcome from a challenging time. I have often called on my Camino experience to keep me balanced through this period. One day at a time. Some days are shitty and some days are great but you just keep moving forward and try not to dwell on the bad. Every day is a fresh start. And today I learned it doesn’t take long in the microwave to cook a face mask! I had decided to sterilise it by microwaving but I left it for too long and I actually charred the corner. What a dill I am. I am now making some new ones.
We have had a tense and exhausting week since last I wrote. Nick has been so cold in his room they eventually gave him a pyjama top and another blanket. He is struggling to sleep, as most people do in hospitals. The bed is too narrow, the sheets tangle because he can’t move properly, the room is cold but he is coping. Every now and again the anxiety gets the better of him but he eventually finds his balance and continues on taking every day at time. Waiting is so hard.
With the second wave of CoVid 19 sweeping Victoria and coming from community transmission this time, the hospitals have gone into lockdown and no visitors are allowed except for palliative care or patients who need their carer. It is very hard on everyone and despite the ability to communicate via phones it isn’t quite as reassuring as being there in person. We have face timed and texted continually but that in itself is exhausting. We have some group chats that are great but so many wonderful people contribute it is like a mad party where you just can’t keep up with everyone. However it is the best we can do under the circumstances and it just lifts your spirits to have this support.
On the Friday the Doctor had THE conversation with Nick. The MRI revealed another AVM at the back of his head as well and so they will attend to the first AVM on Wednesday by opening his skull from the top of his head and remove the clots and deal with the AVM. Then the skull piece will be screwed back into place. Nick was very relieved that it was not on his forehead and that the operation was not like a can opener! He does have a vivid imagination. He was disappointed to know there was another and that he would have to go back after recovery to have that attended to also. He was quite down. The family rallied around and that evening on the chat they posted lots of photos of our family trip to Hong Kong 11 years ago.
On that trip Jonathan, Nick and their cousin Martin explored the nightlife of Hong Kong extensively. There were lots of photos of their hijinks which brought back great memories and lifted his spirits. There were photos of their Dad Peter having a great time too. I had a moment of fear when I thought I just can’t lose Nick too. We were all so happy on that holiday but Peter died six months later. I brushed that fear away as completely ridiculous. Nick is in good health overall and as the week has progressed his limbs have recovered some of their strength and control. The Doctor had explained as they do that there was a chance of complications but the odds were low, 5-10%. He has the best surgeon and is in the best hospital, getting great care.
Getting through the next four days seemed interminable and occasionally Nick got restless and impatient. It seems like he has been in for a month but it is only 10 days. On Sunday a new patient arrived into his room. The young man was extremely disoriented and told Nick he had been dead for two years! Nick was spooked and thought he had come out of surgery. He started to imagine he would be the same but of course this young man has something different which is not related to surgery but epilepsy or some other disturbance.
Nick wanted to see us before he had surgery but with the restrictions we could not visit. I felt his anxiety was rising and requested a visit to ease his mind. The hospital allowed Nick to come outside and meet us in a little garden in front of the hospital. We were so thrilled to see him and had brought his favourite Chinese custard buns which he devoured. He showed us his walking and hand movements have improved significantly. He felt so good to be outside in the world but also it seemed strange. He forgot to bring his washing so we will need to drop off more knickers! It put all our minds at ease to see him and gave him strength to face the operation.
Ziggy came too and was treated to some of the lolly snakes that a friend had sent Nick. He showed off his now higgledy, piggledy teeth with glee. He is losing teeth quite dramatically now and Nick was worried he is going to need braces. Jonathan and Nick talked business and appraised a new beanie they are thinking of adding to their Common-Dust clothing range. It seemed like a normal time. Nick bemoaned his thick beard which he loathes and wanted to shave his head. He looked tired and a bit pale but still with the magic smile. There was the usual banter between the three of them and then it was time to leave. Despite social distancing requirements we all hugged him hard.
He has been given sleeping tablets the last couple of nights and has felt better as a result. This morning he rang to say he was probably going into surgery about 10 ish. I received a text from the hospital at12.30 pm that he was going into theatre then. Now we wait and pray all will be well.
Friday the tenth was a fun evening with Janine and our amazingly delicious meal from Attica, helped along by my new cocktail, French 75. We decided that the food was too good to miss any bit so we actually ate from all the takeaway containers. What couldn’t be scraped up was left for Alfie to lick clean! While portions were not large they were sufficient. If I ate those portions all the time I would never have to worry about creeping kilos.We had a very late night of talking and a slow start to Saturday. I took Janine home and then the day disappeared.
Sunday was also a slow start but soon became a crazy day. My son Nick called asking to be taken to the emergency department of a hospital. I had been face timing some friends and was full of giggles which abruptly disappeared with that call. When I arrived to collect him and he told me his symptoms I rushed to the nearest hospital. The Epworth in Richmond. Fortunately after the CoVid checks we were seen quickly. Nick was assessed and then taken for a CT scan. He was scared, I was scared. He had woken with a head ache and then had weakness in his left arm and leg. He had called the Doctor Online and they had consulted a GP who then told him to go to hospital immediately. I thought he had had a stroke. When the doctor at the ED came to tell me it was serious I was really shaken. Tears welled and I just felt so scared.
The staff were fantastic but The Epworth is a private hospital and Nick only has basic hospital cover aimed at accidents, not neurological issues. He was diagnosed with an AVM, arteriovenous malformation, a lesion on the brain which had bled. My life just seemed to go into slow motion from then. As it turned out the neurological specialist works at the Public Alfred Hospital as well and so it was arranged for Nick to be transferred across.
I left to go home and feed the dog as well as collect some essentials for Nick like toothbrush, toothpaste, spare knickers and some socks. I returned just as he was leaving in the ambulance so followed him to the Alfred. I had to register my details in case of CoVid and then to wait while they got him settled and eventually into a room. His movement on the left side had been impacted and his thinking was slow. His heart was racing because he was so anxious.
Everyone was so kind and helpful, but not really knowing what was going to happen next is very hard and stressful. Eventually I had to leave and so spent a sleepless night worrying in case he deteriorated.
Next day I returned and a physiotherapist came by to assess his physical abilities. His left leg was a bit stronger but the foot was still heavy and only partially responsive, his left arm was able to stay up better but the hand kept going into a grip which he found hard to release. He could manage the stairs quite well and balance while standing but he is weak on his left side. He was exhausted from the shock and lack of sleep. In my haste Sunday night I had not grabbed toothpaste for him at all, but tinea cream! Yuk! We had a bit of a laugh and I felt glad he knew the difference.
In the morning he had had a brain angiagraph to map the blood vessels which he found very uncomfortable and required him to lie flat for nearly four hours afterwards. He had fasted since midnight before and couldn’t eat till nearly 3.00pm. He certainly didn’t complain about cold food! Then it was wait, wait but no doctor came and because of the CoVid situation I had to leave. Actually they only allow one visitor for one hour per day and I had stayed for three hours keeping him company and waiting for the doctor, completely oblivious to the rule. Poor Jonathan came and was turned away. Jonathan came the next day which eased his mind a little about Nick. Being twins they have always been so close and Jonathan is almost as stressed as Nick. He still hadn’t had the MRI they wanted him to have so we were all frustrated. By Wednesday no visitors are allowed but he has had the MRI. They had thought he might go home before he went into surgery but that option is out of the question because they have told him it is too risky. He could have another bleed and they would not be able to do anything.
He is restless and anxious but today they are having a meeting to talk in detail about the planned surgery. They need to immobilise the AVM to stop further bleeding and it seems like they will operate next Wednesday. That seems such a long time to wait. In the meantime he is coping and we are all tense and anxious.
All the family are concerned and shocked. It is probably something he has had since birth and just grown with him. I think Jonathan should be checked too after we have got through this with Nick.
Life is a roller coaster. You tend to think such things happen to other people but here we are dealing with a serious random health issue.
Last week I lamented I didn’t win some of, or all of the $80,000,000 Powerball and now all I want is a son alive and restored to his former self. A reality check extraordinaire.
We were just getting a bit too comfortable with that stealthy virus and now it has taken off like one of our famous bushfires, ratcheting up the numbers to double digits. The Victorian government has come down hard, fast and serious on 12 suburbs and in particular some high rise apartments. They dropped the ball on the hotel quarantine which leaked infection into the community and now we have significant community transmission again. This time I think they reacted strongly, but communicating with the hundreds of people in the high rise to explain their sudden isolation has been less than impressive. Speed overtook community consultation. I live in a high rise apartment and I understand how important the control of infection needs to be and also how hard it is to communicate with everyone simultaneously. We are in for a rocky road for a long time.
I read on the BBC web page that Spain tested 60,000 to measure how many have immunity. Only 5% were showing antibodies and nowhere near the herd immunity requirement of 70%. Also the North West of the country is now starting to show infection surges. This virus is such a mystery. The fact that people can be asymptomatic but contagious is such a concern and they still may not have developed antibodies either.
Well, since I started this post the whole metropolitan area has been sent back to lockdown and Victoria is now an isolated state. All borders closed. Aagh!! I am not surprised that this has occurred. When restrictions were eased it seemed that people just thought the danger was over. People relaxed the social distancing too much or didn’t take the threat seriously. Hospital admissions have gone up and that is really the measure. Hopefully we will get it back under control in the next six weeks that we are in lockdown. It is the businesses that are going to suffer the most again. So tough.
My sons are back working and my daughter-in-law is back working full time so even though we have lockdown I will need to help out with my grandson who now has an extra week at home and may be back being home schooled, (not something he or his parents want!).
I have been sharing Ziggy with his other grand parents over the school holidays. I have had to up my soccer( football) skills as he is a keen player who fancies himself as the next Renaldo. He has always been well coordinated and kicks hard and straight. He kept wanting me to dive for the ball when I was goalie! I had a sore elbow from deflecting balls. Fortunately another kid turned up who I encouraged to play for a while so I gained some respite. Two hours of leaping and kicking and running was a bit tiring for a Grandma! The other activity has been the pool. For a brief time our pool was open and we were able to get in quite a bit if swimming before the new lockdown. Ziggy likes to pretend he is surfing and grandma is the surfboard! I get to do a lot of swimming underwater which is good for my lungs. He is also swimming quite well and a few regular days swimming would boost his abilities. Fortunately he loves to draw also and so I manage to get some quiet time to recover from all this activity. He is great company and like all kids is switched on and a sponge!
I have managed a couple of restaurant outings. What a treat! To have a meal cooked for me has been quite wonderful and to have company with whom to share the experience was such a pleasure. I was blasé about restaurants before the lockdown sent me to the kitchen and now I really appreciate the pleasure of not knowing what is on the menu!
Restaurants who had just reopened to have 20 people had limited selections but everything was so imaginative and beautifully presented. Staff were so thrilled to be working again that the atmosphere was jubilant. Now they will all be back to home delivery and takeaway.
After these two events I decided to try the at home menu of the famous Melbourne restaurant Attica. My friend Janine had missed the traditional birthday celebration lunch we share and with the new freedoms it seemed a good time to try what is usually a very expensive experience. I organised delivery to my home and Janine was coming to stay the night. The sudden lockdown threatened our evening but none the less the meal is going ahead and Janine is still coming.
I have had a sewing blitz and hemmed some trousers, remodelled a top, and started to consider quilting a long unfinished quilt. Time ran out when I was called for Grandma duties once again. I started the actual gym but that only lasted two weeks and it is back to Zoom sessions again. There have been two book club Zoom sessions too which were both interesting and challenging discussions. One book was The Yield by Tara June Winch and Island of Sea Women by Lisa Lee. Both were engrossing reads.
One good thing was a refund of two thirds of my multi-trip travel insurance. I have been so lucky. My China trip was fully refunded, the Africa trip was refunded less 10% and the Spanish trip I had delayed making bookings because I felt uneasy, so nothing lost. The plane fares are in dispute but we are likely to get a two year credit and they were pretty cheap. I would still like to have a refund but a credit will suffice if it is all we can get.
The refunds have gone some small way to ameliorate the cost of my dental expenses. Most of my travel money has gone into my mouth for work I had been postponing. There may not be lots to smile about, but when I do, I have now a great mouthful of teeth! Other expenses have been the cost of Alfie’s medication for his ear infections. It was quite a challenge on my own to outwit him so I could syringe the liquid into his ears. Fortunately he is very food focused and I could often do it while he ate, but he started to get wary after a few days. He would look very Suspiciously between me and his dinner when I put it down so I had to vary my attempts or he would escape under the dining table.
My final joy this week was a haircut. My mop was desperately in need of a trim and I have decided to keep most of the length now it has grown over the initially lockdown. Nothing like a trip to the hairdresser to make you feel great.
Small things have taken on a lot more importance in our lives. My neighbours have decided to remain at their beach home for the rest of the year and maybe permanently. I was sad because even though we live next door and do not see each other very frequently we have a great relationship and enjoy each other’s’ company. We could always call on each other if needed. CoVid is responsible for so much turmoil!
Just when we are starting to loosen up a fresh spike in CoronaVirus infections puts a holt to loosening restrictions. The poor restaurants were just about to be able to host up to 50 and it has been put on hold again. So hard for these businesses. It confirms my hesitancy. We are able to go back to the gyms too this week, though mine will commence only when the school which hosts our training facility, begins school holidays.
There are no casual roll ins, but bookings of 10 max and super cleaning with 15 mins between sessions. It seems like a lot of hard work after the ease of the Zoom sessions. I am also a bit concerned about the cost now too because I have been doing Pilates as well. That was supposed to be only temporary but I really like it and want to continue. I can’t afford to add too many more costs when dividends are on hold! I even thought of joining the U3A courses for third term but most are not taking new people or have already reached their limits so I feel somewhat frustrated. Activities through the U3A are free once you pay your annual $50 membership but they are well attended and classes fill quickly. You have to be quick! Due to the older age group of participants many activities have been postponed or on zoom but limited to the already enrolled. Lawn bowls was going to resume too which would give me an opportunity to get out but I am not sure if that is still going ahead now either. Uncertainty is the ‘new normal’. That is also an overused phrase along with ‘unprecedented’. Life goes on anyway.
I did have lunch out at the local pub last week which was an interesting experience. A friend from the country had come to visit and he was very amused by all the elbow pressing of lift and traffic light buttons, avoidance of contact and social distancing. There have been no cases of infection in his area of the state so their behaviour has barely changed.
Anyway at the hotel we had to register our contact information and also order through QR code reading of the menu. Even paying was done remotely via credit card. The only contact with staff was when they gave us the menus and brought the food and drink. No hovering or discussions. It seemed weird but fairly efficient. Food was generous and good. My friend had been burnt out during the bush fires and is trying to get planning permissions for a new property. It seems to be taking an inordinate length of time. This issue has been raised in the papers recently. Despite all the new regulations being complied with it still seems to take a long time. The rebuilding of these places should be a boon to their economy which the governments want but they can’t seem to get it happening quickly enough.
The weather has been quite delightful even though cold with many sunny days, beautiful sunsets and clear skies. After one shower there was a massive rainbow. Why do rainbows make you feel happy? They are so beautiful and mythical I suppose as well as unexpected.
Irene, Bill and I took a walk up the Darebin trail from Kew. It is along the Yarra river, billabongs and the Darebin Creek. The trail has undergone some improvements and was so delightful to walk. Lots of dog walkers too which challenged Alf to behave (sometimes successfully sometimes not).At times you felt completely in the bush and and away from the city.
We picnicked in a dog off leash area which led down a mysterious path to the river. Here we had to clamber over rocks and tree roots to regain the main path. Alf was feeling so uncertain of the terrain he managed to wriggle out of his walking harness! This left him free to bound up the rocks, oblivious of the two other pooches nearby. Irene was somewhat challenged too as her boots slipped on the damp clay bank. Once on the main path we continued almost to Bell Street but turned back due to me having a conversation appointment at 4pm with Suzanne my Swiss French friend. The return seemed so much quicker as it always does.
I stopped for coffee at Irene’s because the cafes had all closed by 2.30 pm. With all the schools back the traffic around her place was bedlam by the time I left. Irene and Bill live in an area surrounded by three private schools so the parents are always dropping off and picking up kids. It adds so much traffic congestion. I think personal drop offs should be banned and all kids needing lifts should use private buses or public transport. It has to be better environmentally though with the virus I guess they have an excuse. Anyway I had to take back streets and diversions just to get out of the area and home in time for my online conversation. Suzanne said it is the same in Switzerland.
I was pleased to add a longer walk to my Virtual Camino mission. Gary and I have passed Burgos and received two more postcards. We have completed 43% of the walk (334kms). We have passed through Azofora which I remember as a small town with a new Albergue. It had a splash pool for us to dip our feet and many other pilgrims were in swimsuits ready for a plunge. Lyn and I were the almost last to leave the following morning ( only three sets of boots left on the boot rack) and we were leaving at about 6.30 am! The warm weather encourages walkers to start early.
Last Saturday I minded Ziggy while his parents shopped for furniture. He is mad on Soccer again and the local high school had nets on the goals and an open gate to the oval. I was the goalie and he kept wanting me to dive for the ball! I haven’t had two hours of constant soccer since well before the lockdown and I was tiring when another family arrived. Their dog was Ziggy! With a bit of encouragement I got the 6 year old daughter to play with Ziggy for a while which gave me some respite. Ziggy is quite nimble with the ball but I managed to block a few kicks. My arms felt it the next day! Ziggy had managed to get quite a bit of information about the girl. Name, age, school etc. I was impressed with his social competence.
Most of the time is pretty mundane. Fixing the range hood was an awkward task with me clambering up backwards onto the stovetop to re-attach a metal light protector that had fallen down inside the cover. I couldn’t quite work out where it belonged until I was atop the stove. I have become quite useful with my tool box over the last ten years. It always seems such a nuisance to ask for help for small things you can probably do yourself. My other project is a woven basket kit I bought early in the pandemic to help support craftspeople from the Eltham Design market. I finally got the courage to start it and feel quite good about my efforts. It’s purpose is to hide the dog paraphernalia and key’s tidily on the sideboard.
Yesterday I decided the bedspread smelt a bit doggy so into the wash it went. Alf is like Ziggy. You tuck him into his basket at night but find him in your bed at 3 am in the morning! I have given up worrying about it. Never have I let a dog take so many liberties but this little guy just worms his way in. Even at the vet(another $270 this week to deal with his ear infection and worming tablets!) another owner tells me how cute he is; What a pretty dog. Alf plays the part by wagging his tale and smiling a doggy smile every time someone looks at him.
So another two weeks of life has passed without too much drama or change. Am I happy? Mental health is another big concern at the moment yet I don’t feel much has changed for me. I am content, not bored or restless. Having brunch with the family and seeing Nick and a few friends is satisfying. All is good.
I still have mixed feelings about the easing of restrictions. I have been to dinner at a friends home which was delightful. A delicious meal but not formal. We enjoyed lots of laughs and even resorted to Irene’s diary to check facts about our shared holidays. That action opened many fond memories to revisit. I have had a visitor to the apartment for a coffee. That was a spontaneous invitation which motivated me to do a hurried tidy up. The place gets a bit scraggly with Alf’s toys spread around, too many books on the table and washing drying on the clothes rack. I am not a clean freak but I try to maintain some standards. Clean bathrooms and kitchen plus I have a strange obsession with keeping the dirty clothes basket empty. That is a hangover from when I had twin babies. I felt like I had chaos under control if the basket was empty! When I had 120 nappies a week on top of baby clothes it seemed essential and I have never recovered. Dust might be whirling on the cork floor but an empty basket was supreme.
It was delightful to just have a coffee and a long talk with a friend. Chris has never visited me before. We are friends from the gym and have shared a few post coffees before but this was not limited by the day ahead. I do crave company and good conversation.
So, eager but not frantic to get out into the world is how I assess myself. Crossing the road is getting tricky again and there are fewer people in the parks. I have missed the regular calls from my sons that I enjoyed during the tighter restrictions. They are back working more. The good news is Jonathan has been restated into his design and production job which balances Clare having her hours cut to three days. Helping them settle into the new house was tiring but enjoyable. Ziggy is back at school and happy to be there. He is thrilled to have two friends in his new street too. Shifting Jonathan mobilised me to finally set up the futon base that I have had stored in the cage, photograph it and put it onto Melbourne marketplace. I sold it very quickly and delivered it the next day. I was scared they might get cold feet!
The 31st May would have been my husband’s 71st birthday. my brother-in-law Gary organised a tribute video for the Saturday family Zoom catch up. Jonathan and Clare joined that event and also announced to everyone that they are expecting another child. The boys and I along with Clare and Ziggy, cousin Jacina and partner Andrew as well as their Uncle Robert met at the Melbourne Cemetery the next morning to pay our respects to Peter and also their mother Jean. A visit is always bitter sweet. We remember lovingly and joyously but simultaneously mourn what Peter has missed over these last 11 years. Nick reflected on how much he would love to be able to have a mature conversation with his father.
Prior to this visit I had been thinking a lot about Peter and one morning when I walked the dog up our usual street to the park I felt like I had walked through a cloud of freesia perfume. I looked everywhere in the gardens for evidence of these flowers but found none. I thought I would smell them when I returned the same way but I didn’t. I decided I had had a visitation from his spirit. So often I am so busy and mentally distracted that I don’t think I make space for these sorts of communications. Sceptics can scoff but I had some very intense and strange experiences early after Peter died that I choose to see as messages of comfort and this was another. It might be nearly 11 years since he died but he is very much present in our thoughts and hearts.
The wool I mistakenly ordered from the UK instead of Australia, finally arrived. My enthusiasm for craft has waned slightly now that freedom beckons and I am hoping the deepening of winter will spur me on again. I have crocheted three scarves and now think some finger less mittens might be good to try.
We (my old hiking team) took a hike in the Sherbrooke forest for a few hours which was so delightful. Muddy underfoot and hilly too but a sunny, sparkling day. We were all a bit shocked when we arrived at the carpark to see nearly every space taken, but fortunately our path was not crowded until we headed home and then it was reasonably spaced.
Gary has started doing a virtual Camino (MYVIRTUALMISSION App) and asked me to join him. I was not so keen as it cost $34 and I had completed the real thing in 2012. Then I felt my activity enthusiasm wane a little as the colder, greyer days commenced and I decided to join his team. This just means I can walk my 10,000 steps with a purpose most days but it isn’t all up to me. Gary rides as well as walks where I am just a walker. To complete the 800kms will take us about 11 weeks. It is more challenging to get the distances because we have other demands upon us. When I walked it in reality, Lyn and I averaged 25-27kms for 33 days. Our job was to walk. It was one of the best experiences of my life. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t comfortable at times but it stretched me as a person, it liberated me from many fears and gave me the quiet to reflect on my life and future without Peter.
That walk really energised me and lifted my spirits. But the next day I had CoVid 19 brain when I was about to take Alf for a walk in my Ugg Boots!
I finished the week in a conference call with the ALIA committee for the accreditation of the South Pacific TAFE. I felt buoyed by my interaction. It was on point and useful so I am not losing my marbles after all.
I have also treated myself to some painting time which was entirely absorbing. Water colours are so challenging and I don’t do them enough. Another easing of restrictions means we can get back to our life drawing classes in mid June. I booked Anna and I in immediately. No dropping in anymore but booked places. The gym will be the same. That will be a bit difficult to adjust to and times will be limited so probably as intense as the Zoom sessions!
It has a feeling of winding up again which I suspect I am ambivalent about. The MTC contacted me to finalise action over tickets for cancelled shows, Palace cinemas are surveying us about returning to the cinemas, I have embarked on some major dental work that I had put off to travel instead and now I will spend the money in my mouth! There is a busyness in the air. I look forward to speaking with people but I don’t want to get overly engaged with activities.
Finally being blasted into the wider world with the appalling death of George Floyd and the subsequent re-ignition of the Black Lives Matter campaign, a supercilious Trump waving a bible, the video of an indigenous youth being brutally arrested in Sydney, and the blasting of an archaeologically significant Indigenous heritage site by Rio Tinto have cut through the sense of togetherness and revealed the reality of intrenched racism and inequality. The world has listened but will we act appropriately to move forward together? To be equal means facing down white privilege, sharing equally all our resources and really hearing the other point of view. There is hope but it is sobering that the world has been here many times before.